5.6Two answers to the same question, compared
The question
Some people believe that mobile phones should be banned in schools. Others think they are a useful learning tool.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
Answer A, around band 5.5
Nowadays mobile phone is very important in our life. Some people think it should be banned in school and other people think it is good for learning. In this essay I will discuss both view and give my opinion.
Firstly, some people think mobile phone should be banned because student use it in the class and they don't listen to teacher. Also they can cheat in the exam by using internet. Moreover they can be addicted and this is bad for their health. So the teacher cannot control the class.
Secondly, other people think mobile phone is useful tool. Because student can search information quickly and they can use many application for study. Moreover if there is emergency the parent can call them. So it is useful.
In conclusion, I think mobile phone has advantage and disadvantage. Both view are correct. School should decide what is better for them.
What is holding Answer A back
- Task Response: the conclusion gives no opinion. Saying both views are correct is not a position, and the question explicitly asks for one.
- Coherence: ideas are listed rather than developed. Every sentence is a new point, and none is explained or exemplified.
- Lexical Resource: the same words repeat throughout, and mobile phone is never varied to devices, smartphones or handsets.
- Grammar: singular and plural errors run through the whole essay, student for students, view for views, and articles are missing.
- Length: this answer is under 250 words, which carries an automatic penalty.
Answer B, around band 7
The presence of smartphones in classrooms has become a subject of serious disagreement. Some argue that they should be removed entirely, while others see them as a valuable teaching resource. This essay will examine both positions before explaining why I believe a restricted approach is preferable to an outright ban.
Those in favour of prohibition point mainly to attention. A phone in a student's pocket competes constantly with the lesson, and the evidence that people cannot divide their attention efficiently is well established. There is also the question of assessment, since a connected device makes traditional classroom testing far harder to police. A school in my own city recently reported a noticeable improvement in test results after collecting phones at the start of each lesson, which suggests the concern is not theoretical.
Supporters of classroom technology, on the other hand, argue that banning phones removes a tool students will use for the rest of their lives. A phone can turn a language lesson into a live exercise in translation, or a science lesson into a data collection task, at no cost to the school. Teachers in poorly resourced schools, in particular, may have no other way of giving every student access to a screen.
In my view, the strongest position lies between the two. Phones should be locked away by default, but brought out deliberately for specific activities under the teacher's direction. This preserves the attention that ordinary lessons require while keeping the educational benefit that a total ban would throw away.
In conclusion, although the case for banning phones rests on a real problem, the solution should be control rather than exclusion.
What Answer B does differently
- It takes a clear and specific position, and that position appears in the introduction, the third body paragraph and the conclusion.
- Each body paragraph states one idea, explains it, and supports it with a concrete example.
- Vocabulary varies naturally: smartphones, devices, connected device, classroom technology.
- Sentences vary in length and structure, including subordinate clauses and a sentence that begins with a participle phrase.
- The cohesion comes from the logic, not from a linking word at the start of every sentence.